Just for laughs

[warstoryteller]

The sharing in marriage...


The old man placed an order for one hamburger,French fries and a drink.


He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife .



He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.



He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.



Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'



As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything



People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.



Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'



Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'



She answered --











(Continue below - This is great)










'THE TEETH.'

[19pct]

I was just about to post this one also lol I wonder where you got it from hhmmmm

[evp5O]

[irishcop32]

[19pct]

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one Day.
As they walk, they come across a sign:
"Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering" said Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her,
"Well, how'd ya do?
" First Place ," said Snow White..

They continue walking and they see a sign:

"Contest for the strongest man in the world."
"I'm entering," says Superman.
After half an hour he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?"
" First Place ," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"

They continue walking when they see a sign:
"Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?"
Pinocchio says "this is mine"
Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes.
"What happened?" they asked.

"Who the hell is Obama?" asked Pinocchio

[icantmeansiwont]

cute....

[cheswick]

I was in Florida....and

I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read 'I miss Detroit'.
So I broke the window, stole the radio and left a note that read, 'I hope this helps'…

[JPSO retired]

[19pct]

Will I Live to see 80? Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned sixty-something.)

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?'

'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'

I said, 'Not much. My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have lots of sex?'

'No,' I said.

He looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a shit?'

[19pct]

Two Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods.
All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!
He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about. 'Was the other Indian crazy or what?'

The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening.. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us.

Just then they came upon another cave.

The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Immediately, there was the answer.
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' from deep inside.

He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, 'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!'

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Like the others, he then heard an answering call, 'WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!'
With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read................









You'll like this















NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!

[19pct]

[19pct]

I was visiting my niece and her husband last night when I asked if I
could borrow a newspaper.

'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said.

'We don't waste money on newspapers.

Here, you can borrow my i-Pad.'

I can tell you, that damn house fly never knew what hit it.!